ANNUAL BOARD REVIEW AND GRADES

[Ted]

Ted - Ted, is your first name Jack, you Mormon? Jack "Ted" Mormon is NOT one of us. We all believe there is a big weather balloon influencing our lives in ways we only can make up over time, while Jack thinks some all-powerful being is up there somewhere with a big needle. If Jack could only understand the beliefs of others, he would be so much more fun at parties. As it is, he tells everyone he thinks the Jazz were created in James Naismith's imagine. What he REALLY believes in that they look just like James' older brother Joseph <Nai>Smith, who was notorious for writing some other book.

Biggest influence in his life - Joe Vancil

It's official. I am now convinced that no matter what I post, no one sees anything but "Mormon teenage wives Joseph teetotalling flying spaghetti monster Genghis lover" or some variation thereof. 

Oh, to be a smudge on the court to see how THAT one-on-one match-up must look. Do you have any video?

I've seen it first hand. Think of it this way: Joe Vancil is John Crotty, and Skander is Scottie Pippen.

[WayOutWest]

It's official. I am now convinced that no matter what I post, no one sees anything but "Mormon teenage wives Joseph teetotalling flying spaghetti monster Genghis lover" or some variation thereof. 

Uhhhmmmmmm......yea pretty much...what's your point? 

[Joe Vancil]

Skander's actually more Kevin Martin.

But I'm definitely John Crotty.

[Laker Fan]

Laker Fan - He claims to be of Native American heritage, but he doesn't drink, does not curse, is a family man, and speaks and writes English like he grew up educated here. How can that be? His support of the Lakers is insane, but he also has said nice things about other teams <Kings> on occasion, which implies he is allowed out of the Laker Loony Bin on weekends, unlike others who I obviously can't identify <WOW, westkoast, msc, Randy> in case their intelligence reviews come back negative and they must extend their stays in wussyville. Dan's constant monitoring of wow's insults to the vocabularily-unchallenged lends to the belief he must be lying about who he really is. Speculation is that he really is Al Gore.

Biggest negative attribute - He has actually had the audacity to challenge ME on occasion. Almost (not quite) unforgivable.

I don't drink?? Senility beginning to take hold there Johnny boy? How quickly you forget our deep discussions off this board regarding fine wine grown in the greatest state ever, and no Lurker, that would NOT be that dreary dust bowl you call home. Have you forgotten my oft-stated opinion that Bushmills Black is almost a food group all its own? Methinks perhaps, my "slightly" older friend, you are on the verge of a dementia-induced episode whereby you find yourself in the Laker house rooting for all things purple and gold while extolling the virtues and bouquet of a well aged, say 2 hours, bottle of Tokay to anyone who will listen but settling for the enraptured audience of Westkoast as he desperately tries to outwit you by ruminating about the clear superiority of Ripple.

For insulting my native American heritage with your bigoted stereotyping, I would readily scalp you to demonstrate the errors (yeah like THAT"S a first) however, being the aged cracker you are, I doubt there is enough up there on a typically follicley-challenged redneck like yourself to for me to bother, it would only disgrace my lodge-pole.

You give me far too much credit for education although given the education level typical of this board, I must admit, I am a virtual Al Inestine.

As far as challenging you, after wasting my considerable talents on the likes of such unarmed victims as the ever amusing jemegee, the delusional ramblings of Rick and the painfully in-artful Neanderthal WOW, you should take it as a compliment that you are one of only 2-3 on this board I find worthy when I really want to sharpen my claws, pity you seem to relish taking the losing side of the argument so often.

[WayOutWest]

Laker Fan - He claims to be of Native American heritage, but he doesn't drink, does not curse, is a family man, and speaks and writes English like he grew up educated here. How can that be? His support of the Lakers is insane, but he also has said nice things about other teams <Kings> on occasion, which implies he is allowed out of the Laker Loony Bin on weekends, unlike others who I obviously can't identify <WOW, westkoast, msc, Randy> in case their intelligence reviews come back negative and they must extend their stays in wussyville. Dan's constant monitoring of wow's insults to the vocabularily-unchallenged lends to the belief he must be lying about who he really is. Speculation is that he really is Al Gore.

Biggest negative attribute - He has actually had the audacity to challenge ME on occasion. Almost (not quite) unforgivable.

I don't drink?? Senility beginning to take hold there Johnny boy? How quickly you forget our deep discussions off this board regarding fine wine grown in the greatest state ever, and no Lurker, that would NOT be that dreary dust bowl you call home. Have you forgotten my oft-stated opinion that Bushmills Black is almost a food group all its own? Methinks perhaps, my "slightly" older friend, you are on the verge of a dementia-induced episode whereby you find yourself in the Laker house rooting for all things purple and gold while extolling the virtues and bouquet of a well aged, say 2 hours, bottle of Tokay to anyone who will listen but settling for the enraptured audience of Westkoast as he desperately tries to outwit you by ruminating about the clear superiority of Ripple.

For insulting my native American heritage with your bigoted stereotyping, I would readily scalp you to demonstrate the errors (yeah like THAT"S a first) however, being the aged cracker you are, I doubt there is enough up there on a typically follicley-challenged redneck like yourself to for me to bother, it would only disgrace my lodge-pole.

You give me far too much credit for education although given the education level typical of this board, I must admit, I am a virtual Al Inestine.

As far as challenging you, after wasting my considerable talents on the likes of such unarmed victims as the ever amusing jemegee, the delusional ramblings of Rick and the painfully in-artful Neanderthal WOW, you should take it as a compliment that you are one of only 2-3 on this board I find worthy when I really want to sharpen my claws, pity you seem to relish taking the losing side of the argument so often.

It's times like these that I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wish the movie "Logan's Run" was a documentary!

[westkoast]

Old people are always so long winded.

[Lurker]

Old people are always so long winded.

And you toungsters are always in such a hurry.

[jemagee]

Old people are always so long winded.

They need to cut down on the beans...and the lactose

[westkoast]

Old people are always so long winded.

And you toungsters are always in such a hurry.

Of course.  Us toungsters in California are always in a hurry to get to the beach so we can  french kiss the females.

[JoMal]

Old people are always so long winded.

Only after a potfull of my famous "Organic" beans.

[JoMal]

It's official. I am now convinced that no matter what I post, no one sees anything but "Mormon teenage wives Joseph teetotalling flying spaghetti monster Genghis lover" or some variation thereof. 

No, no, Ted. We really think you are much more shallow then that.

Anyway, on this board the tradition has always been to take the easy shot and ignore the complexities.

[JoMal]

Old people are always so long winded.

And you toungsters are always in such a hurry.

Of course.  Us toungsters in California are always in a hurry to get to the beach so we can  french kiss the females.

In this country, we Freedom kiss our females, boyo.

And if you ask real nice, they'll pop their teeth out for.....er.....Dan, your kids around today?   

[JoMal]

Laker Fan - He claims to be of Native American heritage, but he doesn't drink, does not curse, is a family man, and speaks and writes English like he grew up educated here. How can that be? His support of the Lakers is insane, but he also has said nice things about other teams <Kings> on occasion, which implies he is allowed out of the Laker Loony Bin on weekends, unlike others who I obviously can't identify <WOW, westkoast, msc, Randy> in case their intelligence reviews come back negative and they must extend their stays in wussyville. Dan's constant monitoring of wow's insults to the vocabularily-unchallenged lends to the belief he must be lying about who he really is. Speculation is that he really is Al Gore.

Biggest negative attribute - He has actually had the audacity to challenge ME on occasion. Almost (not quite) unforgivable.

I don't drink?? Senility beginning to take hold there Johnny boy? How quickly you forget our deep discussions off this board regarding fine wine grown in the greatest state ever, and no Lurker, that would NOT be that dreary dust bowl you call home. Have you forgotten my oft-stated opinion that Bushmills Black is almost a food group all its own? Methinks perhaps, my "slightly" older friend, you are on the verge of a dementia-induced episode whereby you find yourself in the Laker house rooting for all things purple and gold while extolling the virtues and bouquet of a well aged, say 2 hours, bottle of Tokay to anyone who will listen but settling for the enraptured audience of Westkoast as he desperately tries to outwit you by ruminating about the clear superiority of Ripple.

For insulting my native American heritage with your bigoted stereotyping, I would readily scalp you to demonstrate the errors (yeah like THAT"S a first) however, being the aged cracker you are, I doubt there is enough up there on a typically follicley-challenged redneck like yourself to for me to bother, it would only disgrace my lodge-pole.

You give me far too much credit for education although given the education level typical of this board, I must admit, I am a virtual Al Inestine.

As far as challenging you, after wasting my considerable talents on the likes of such unarmed victims as the ever amusing jemegee, the delusional ramblings of Rick and the painfully in-artful Neanderthal WOW, you should take it as a compliment that you are one of only 2-3 on this board I find worthy when I really want to sharpen my claws, pity you seem to relish taking the losing side of the argument so often.

Did I say does't drink? That was a typo. I meant to type, doesn't "THINK". Now, where was my head.

Okay, so you do follow your heritage, at least to the good stuff. I must have been embibing myself when I wrote that, after all, it was 3 in the afternoon on a workday and I was still at work.

As for my scalpable head, sad to say <for me> my head sports a full silver mane that would be in high demand by your forefathers.

But if you need your totem notched once again, please bring on the topic and we will see how you carve 'loser' on that stick.

[jn]

Well done sir!  Though I must say your possible reason for my infrequent posting is incorrect.  If "affairs of the heart" can be equated to clutch shooting then I am currently the equivalent of John Starks in Game 7 of the 94 finals. 

[Skandery]

JoMal, you're one.
---------------------

Skandery - I have yet to find any negative or tricksie posts from our resident Midwestern/mideasterner. Is he planning something? YES!! To infiltrate our network of NBA analyzers with basketball acumen gleaned from JV during B-Ball camp. Clever. Now if he can only convince me he actually has an NBA team to root for. I think he prefers baseball.

Biggest issue - He never asks me how my Kings are doing unless he knows the answer will be negative.

Which of the insults, degradations, and out-n-out falsehoods to bat down first? 

Basketball acumen gleaned from JV??  Sir, I've made it a life-long mission to intently listen to everything Joe says and observes about basketball and do THE EXACT OPPOSITE.  B-ball camp??  I can only deduce this, once again, is jealousy fueled by the long departure of youth.  Take heart, o senior one. 
An NBA team to root for?  Not only does that team exist, I remember inviting you with open arms at our fraternity house whilst you rooted for that team during your brief respite from the KING-dom in last year's playoffs.  I'm not sure you should expect the same courtesy, you know, should the Kings once again be uninvited to the annual spring shindig. 
BASEBALL???  The most grievous and calamitous of deceptions; I'd sooner watch the grooves on your brow deepen and conjecture that it might have more action for a spectator. 
Disregarding of your Kings when they do well??  The final injury.  Who sang the praises of Brad Miller as the perfect compliment to Webber and Divacs as great passing big men?  Who waxed poetic of the wonderment of Kevin Martin?  Who published a dissertation on this very board on the mass under appreciation of Rick Adelman's coaching acumen and accomplishments? 

I. Am. Wounded.