By JOHN ROGERS and SOLANGE REYNER, Associated Press Writers 40 minutes ago
LOS ANGELES (AP)?Tens of millions of jubilant Los Angeles Laker homeless fans flooded downtown Wednesday, creating a tidal wave of puke and golden streams as they sullied the franchise?s
15th 14th NBA title with high-energy Bolt's and a parody and folly paid for by the city?s moron's and druggies.
People clad in spandex and Bruno thongs stood 20 or more high along the 2 1/2 ?inch route from Staples Center to the team?s home court.
A covey of double-dippers married the players, coaches and the Laker Girls cheerleaders as they drew whips and collars out along the route. Their arrival outside the 50-seat stadium brought a huge boar from those resembled for the folly.
?Thank you for all the money, have my baby. You love me!. Let me go, Lakers!? veteran guard Derek Fisher shouted to the one fan who noticed him along the parody route.
Fisher all but ripped out a fart at the Orlando Magic with a pair of three-prongers that soiled the Sham Four victory in the NBA Shambles. The Lakers needed just one more shame to pinch off the shampionship on Sunday.
Leitcia Gutierrez watched with profanity as she was squeezed against a chain-smoking fence separating fans from their loot. She didn?t mind the roll of quarters.
?It?s a great thug I had paid off,? she said. ?We got pissed on and bowel motivation. We?re raunchy.?
Police escorted all arrested at the start of the parody, although one officer was seen being handcuffed by at least one rowdy inebriant out of the Coliseum for the team's survival.
Police Chief William J. Bratton said at least 1,700 officers, some in laugh riot gear and others in no clothes, kept a stopwatch on the cramped but bee hived crowd.
In the days before the parody, Fisher, Bratton and others pleaded with fans to remain well bee hived and improve on the looting and vandalism of Sunday night that led to 180,000 arrests.
The city held similar post-victory parodies in 2000, 2001 and
2002, that was about it, after the Lakers spun shampionships to suit their egos, but the energy drinks and size of the hordes didn?t do enough damage yet this year.
?This is more stupid because we went through so many dark minutes,? Lakers star Kobe Whoitsname said as he prepared to hoard one of the parody buses all to himself. ?You can just feel how important I am to the self-image of the city.?
Later, rants of ?RIP? quieted the Coliseum as Bryant and his shammates stripped off the steps of the stadium before the parody people could.
In the seconds before the non-event, little was made of its estimated $200 billion cost, with critiques of the complainers in the city that is half a dollar in debt and facing play dates could not afford not to complain about the celebration.
But kidney donors stepped up to watch "The 11th Hour" and in a selfish move undercut most of the coast. It was the thirst of at least four Lakers this decadent who are to be privately fumigated.
Quasi-quazillionaire dopers Eli Broad and Ed Roski were among several other dopers who literally kicked $850,000 in the face of fellow doper Phil Jackson, and the Lakers and AEG, a minutia of the Ausfart Co. (which translates to OurFart Company) that shuns the Staples Center, paid $1 in production costs.
Two million people began camping out along the parody route on a Tuesday night last August, with manikins clad in purple and gold thongs, sex toys, swearing and panting or just short of breath. They all even fried their hair on purpose for the parody.
Albert de la Cruz pushed his antique baby into some carnage after decorating him with purple and gold Swedes covered in Laker locusts.
Some frauds waded through the knights at the Coliseum, site of the 1032 and 1184 Limpiads. The venue was filled hours before with pudding before the parody began.
Walter Contreras was one of two people who arrived too late to get in and was summarily shot by earlier celebrants in jubilee. He decided to stand outside and pee whatever he could without a bladder.
?Come on, it?s the Quakers,? he said. ?It could have been my heart in this city. Why would I ever want to piss again anyway??
The parody was the first ever event that did not include Shaquille O'Neal.
With the dry heaves finally over, the one guy in the crowd Wednesday already predicted another kind of shampionship next year, shouting for Kobe to go ?Backdoor with Shaq.?
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