The end is near and the Kings are dead.....

[JoMal]

I leave for vaction for a week and I come back to find JoMal has jumped on the Jazz bandwagon and the Lakers have won the Western Conference?!? 

Man, I really do need to leave town more often. 

That would be JazMal, to you uninitiated, msc link.

[JoMal]

No mapquest needed jOLDmal, I mean it's not like you live in real city or anything, and I have been to your dusty little crossroads enough to know my way around, I think I learned where everything was in oh, say, 15 minutes.

It's cute that you assumed someone would be interested enough in where you live to mapquest that dungheap though, it shore must make y'all feel all growed up and everthang, now don't it?

Sorry, Laqueer flan, did you say your 15 minutes of fame are up? Hard to live in Sillycone Valley and understand what is "real", I guess. Using Mapquest in YOUR town would be equally pointless, in that no reference point exists when you have 131 dungheap towns to get lost in. Does it make yall feel growed up knowing there is no there, down there?

[WayOutWest]

No mapquest needed jOLDmal, I mean it's not like you live in real city or anything, and I have been to your dusty little crossroads enough to know my way around, I think I learned where everything was in oh, say, 15 minutes.

It's cute that you assumed someone would be interested enough in where you live to mapquest that dungheap though, it shore must make y'all feel all growed up and everthang, now don't it?

FYI, only the top 5 populated cities actually have a MapQuest or Yahoo map reference, all the other maps are of Fresno with the "search" city name replaced in the header.  I thought everybody knew. 

[msc]

I leave for vaction for a week and I come back to find JoMal has jumped on the Jazz bandwagon and the Lakers have won the Western Conference?!? 

Man, I really do need to leave town more often. 

That would be JazMal, to you uninitiated, msc link.

So sorry, JazMal, I won't let it happen again 

I missed the whole butt-kissing thread, but had I been here I would have suggested you embrace a new team to add some diversity to the board.  I realize that would have negated the whole point of smooching your derri?re, but allow me to digress for a small moment.  Frankly, I'm a little disappointed you didn't jump on the Rockets bandwagon.  Given your unbridled love for all things former King, I would think the lure of Rick Adelman and Bobby Jackson alone would have you donning Rockets red in no time. 

[JoMal]

I leave for vaction for a week and I come back to find JoMal has jumped on the Jazz bandwagon and the Lakers have won the Western Conference?!? 

Man, I really do need to leave town more often. 

That would be JazMal, to you uninitiated, msc link.

So sorry, JazMal, I won't let it happen again 

I missed the whole butt-kissing thread, but had I been here I would have suggested you embrace a new team to add some diversity to the board.  I realize that would have negated the whole point of smooching your derri?re, but allow me to digress for a small moment.  Frankly, I'm a little disappointed you didn't jump on the Rockets bandwagon.  Given your unbridled love for all things former King, I would think the lure of Rick Adelman and Bobby Jackson alone would have you donning Rockets red in no time. 

One would think, but no - it was not in my interest to go "Texas" for the immediate future, no matter how they tempted me with familiarity.

[Joe Vancil]

Joe Vancil - Does he want me? I compete with him on some kind of poster board spiritual level that only he would understand. But his silence is deafening.

JazMal,

I thought about writing earlier, figuring that we Jazz fans could use an extra poster or two.  In fact, I was considering asking you to jump on board the bandwagon a few weeks ago.  Unfortunately I've been sick.

And how did I get sick, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you.

You see, I'm a huge NBA fan.  Love the games.  Love watching them, love talking about them, and I love going to them.  And the other week, I was thinking, as I was travelling to a game, "You know, I ought to invite JoMal onto the Jazz bandwagon."  I was thinking that as I was driving to go see NBA basketball.  Might have even mentioned it to Skander, on that long drive to Chicago.  He probably doesn't remember it, though, since he might have been asleep at the time.

Rotten thing, that trip.  Skander didn't get off from work until 8:30 or so, which put us in Chicago at 4:00 in the blooming morning.  And of course, our hotel room was another problem.  And we got up early the next morning, and any time I lose sleep like that, I get this freaking obnoxious sinus drainage and cough.

And that's when I got sick.  And shortly thereafter, I realized, you know, it's all JoMal's fault.

"My fault?"  you're probably thinking.  "How could this be my fault?"

You think I've forgotten that little bit of thievery 23 years ago?  Think again, Mr. Kansas City Kings fan.  Oh, yes, I was but a poor college student at the time, who couldn't afford something like season tickets back then, but I was a loyal NBA fan.  I even liked the Kings, since they had Don Buse at the time.  And that young rookie - Otis Thorpe.  Oh, and who can forget Reggie Theus?  No, I couldn't make that drive all the time, and couldn't afford the tickets, and no, they weren't my favorite team - but I'd have gone to the games.  And once my career got going, I'd have gotten season tickets.

But, NO.  No, they had to go play for all those fans in SACRAMENTO.  Oh, you had to have your team, but instead of stealing some team like the Nets or the Clippers, where there are extra teams that wouldn't be missed, you thieving bastards had to take the team that was a mere two hours away from me.

So instead of a nice, short, 2 hour drive, and an arrival in Kansas City at 10:30 for a pleasant night's sleep at a reasonable price with free parking, I've got this long haul to make up to CHICAGO, where I can stay at an overpriced hotel, with ridiculous ticket prices, and expensive parking, all so I can watch an NBA game - and a freaking BULLS game, at that!  The very least I could have seen the game 10 years ago, and met Michael Jordan, shook his hand and given HIM this damn cold - and end up with sinus drainage, and a cough, and missing several days of work, plus several days of playing basketball....if it weren't for the fact that Skander was upset because Antawn Jamison and Gilbert Arenas didn't play, there'd have been no joy from that trip at all.  Well...except for the Chicago-style pizza that helped wreck my diet, but that's another story.

So, yeah.  You just hop right on the Jazz bandwagon.  Plenty of room here.

And you just enjoy the basketball.  It's a lot better than what you'll see from those Las Vegas Kings.  Oh, but I'm getting ahead of myself there.

So, yeah, welcome on board.

[JoMal]

Joe Vancil - Does he want me? I compete with him on some kind of poster board spiritual level that only he would understand. But his silence is deafening.

JazMal,

I thought about writing earlier, figuring that we Jazz fans could use an extra poster or two.  In fact, I was considering asking you to jump on board the bandwagon a few weeks ago.  Unfortunately I've been sick.

And how did I get sick, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you.

You see, I'm a huge NBA fan.  Love the games.  Love watching them, love talking about them, and I love going to them.  And the other week, I was thinking, as I was travelling to a game, "You know, I ought to invite JoMal onto the Jazz bandwagon."  I was thinking that as I was driving to go see NBA basketball.  Might have even mentioned it to Skander, on that long drive to Chicago.  He probably doesn't remember it, though, since he might have been asleep at the time.

Rotten thing, that trip.  Skander didn't get off from work until 8:30 or so, which put us in Chicago at 4:00 in the blooming morning.  And of course, our hotel room was another problem.  And we got up early the next morning, and any time I lose sleep like that, I get this freaking obnoxious sinus drainage and cough.

And that's when I got sick.  And shortly thereafter, I realized, you know, it's all JoMal's fault.

"My fault?"  you're probably thinking.  "How could this be my fault?"

You think I've forgotten that little bit of thievery 23 years ago?  Think again, Mr. Kansas City Kings fan.  Oh, yes, I was but a poor college student at the time, who couldn't afford something like season tickets back then, but I was a loyal NBA fan.  I even liked the Kings, since they had Don Buse at the time.  And that young rookie - Otis Thorpe.  Oh, and who can forget Reggie Theus?  No, I couldn't make that drive all the time, and couldn't afford the tickets, and no, they weren't my favorite team - but I'd have gone to the games.  And once my career got going, I'd have gotten season tickets.

But, NO.  No, they had to go play for all those fans in SACRAMENTO.  Oh, you had to have your team, but instead of stealing some team like the Nets or the Clippers, where there are extra teams that wouldn't be missed, you thieving bastards had to take the team that was a mere two hours away from me.

So instead of a nice, short, 2 hour drive, and an arrival in Kansas City at 10:30 for a pleasant night's sleep at a reasonable price with free parking, I've got this long haul to make up to CHICAGO, where I can stay at an overpriced hotel, with ridiculous ticket prices, and expensive parking, all so I can watch an NBA game - and a freaking BULLS game, at that!  The very least I could have seen the game 10 years ago, and met Michael Jordan, shook his hand and given HIM this damn cold - and end up with sinus drainage, and a cough, and missing several days of work, plus several days of playing basketball....if it weren't for the fact that Skander was upset because Antawn Jamison and Gilbert Arenas didn't play, there'd have been no joy from that trip at all.  Well...except for the Chicago-style pizza that helped wreck my diet, but that's another story.

So, yeah.  You just hop right on the Jazz bandwagon.  Plenty of room here.

And you just enjoy the basketball.  It's a lot better than what you'll see from those Las Vegas Kings.  Oh, but I'm getting ahead of myself there.

So, yeah, welcome on board.

See what I mean about a 'spiritual level' only Joe and I could understand? I understood all that. Especially the sinus drainage thing. What IS that green stuff that comes up with each raking hack?

Now Joe, if you have been paying attention and actually read all of these posts ('get a life' jumps up into my conscious at that thought), you might have noted that I insisted we forget past differences, bury the hatchet, call off the dogs, and continue dissing on the Laqueers, so I could enter my afterlife from the regular season as a blank slate with no prior biases.

Your Jazz collegues, while not as eloquet as you, filled by ego with wild thoughts of concubines and NRA meetings, (not necessarily in that order) to convince me which way my bandwagoning direction should take. The Spurs had little to offer, and while the Sixers intriqued me, dabods had no comment, and Rick at first denounced brown nosers, then became one as he tried to entice me to join the Brotherly Love town fans, which made me feel a bit bewildered, as the Sixers are close to my original stomping grounds.

Now, let's remember that NBA teams, especially the Kings, have been known to pull up stakes and move to new towns for no better reason then having an overcaffeinated fan base (Seattle). Twenty-three years ago, a visionary named Greg Luckenbill, from...um....Sacramento, decided to buy a little appreciated NBA team called the Kings. Apparently, there were quite a few of you freaking, obnoxious, sinus drainaging and coughing "fans" in the area who felt a nice, short two hour drive to see the Kings play in Kansas City was "inconvenient" 41 times a year, plus preseason and playoff games, if it was an odd year. Clearly, not enough "loyalty" was exhibited by you deathbed quasi-fans in the area.

So he did the logical thing. He moved the team in a new town. He first had to decide WHICH town to move to. A difficult decision was made as he surveyed the sixty acres he owned in South Natomas where he was planning to build a warehouse. Struggling with inner turmoil, Greg made the tough decision to forego the warehouse and build a home, a new home, a home with a huge welcome mat out, for his little NBA team. He could have put the team in Eureka, or Wasco, or Colorado Springs, but no, he sacrificed his own warehouse for the good of his team.  .....sorry......<sob>......this always get to me.

Three years later, his dream of putting a warehouse on that site came true, as he wisely built the original Arco Arena AS a warehouse, easily converted to its intended use once the fancier and now completely outdated new Arco was built on adjacent lands to house the Kings. This type of pioneering foresight was what was missing from Kansas City, known more for its famous massacre in 1933 then the quality of its sinus draining fanship "support" for its former NBA team.

All those "fans" you mockingly mock in Sacramento came out and supported that pathetic team for the next thirteen years of futility, something that was sadly missing from the sleep-deprived Kansas City fan masqueraders who missed more games then the muck cleaners who had to swipe clean the floor of the arena after every home game to clean up the drainage from under the seats. Think how hard their jobs must have been after the rare sellout.

So we in SacTown (actually, just me) have been swayed to offer our superior support to your team in honor of your deviated septum and apnea issues. A telethon is planned and we have recruited Richard Simmons to host it. We are hoping you will volunteer to appear on stage with him for twenty-four hours straight as one of the sinus draining zombies who once had a nearby team, but now must be satisfied with smearing snot on the TV screens as you watch from afar how the NBA has grown since you were a lad, stealing sips of beer from under the seats of nearby belchers at the old Kings arena in KC.

And JazMal is honored to share his belittlelings of other teams with Joe Vancil as the Utah Jazz blitzes through the Western Conference.