SATAN!!
You blasphemous weasel!!!!
Deep in the fourth quarter of that game, I experienced an Epiphany.
No longer held back by the chains of Niner futility or Raider bumbling, I converted. On the spot.
I immediately became a
BLESSED PATRIOT SUPPORTER, and suddenly felt the
Hand of the Lord touch my soul. I immediately inherently knew I could walk on water, if so moved to do so. My feet would never touch raw earth again, as I now float above the chaos of mere mortals. I noticed that now I pee gold and soon expect to win the lottery and be chosen "Most Popular Boss in the World", when I call for the next election with myn staff.
I will soon be selling my bowel movements on E-Bay for another fortune ($19.99, plus the TP used, no extra charge!!<tax not included> Back orders now being taken!!) because God has ordained all those who follow the NEP to be one with HIM. Just like Brady and the head referree last night, I now find my loyal followers lip-locked to my heinny like remoras, sucking the juice of righteousness from my loins.
I suddenly knew that nothing would hinder the victory of MY TEAM from winning.
First, the Raven quarterback, just as did the Eagle quarterback last week, got greedy. With his beedy little eyes looking covetiously down field, he heaved a pass, way short and right to a BLESSED PATRIOT. And the Ravens had been within field goal range, which would have given them a ten point lead with 8 minutes left. The BLESSED PATRIOTS then simply drove to their own field goal try, which they naturally made. The wind, of course, was at their backs in the fourth.
Then the BLESSED PATRIOTS got the ball back with less then four minutes left:
On one completion, the refs thrEW a flag against the Ravens. Defensive holding elsewhere. What to do, what to do? Take the yardage, or take the penalty. The refs can't let such hard decisions blind BRADY or his BLESSED PATRIOTS. They were awarded both the yardage from the completion, AND the five extra yards for holding. Say HALLELUJAH!!!!
Fourth and one and the SAD RAVENS stop us. End of the game?
HA!!! Rex Ryan had called a time out before the snap, to <heh, heh> help his team prepare better.
Fourth and one again, and stopped again. End of the game?
DOUBLE HA!! A motion penalty simply negated the play and moved US back five yards, where Blessed Brady simply ran for seven yards and the first down.
Fourth down again and needing one more play, but the pass was incomplete. End of the game?
HO, HO, HA, HA HA!!! Did you not see the defensive holding on the Raven back? No, no one saw it? But the back judge -HE was guided by GOD to see it! Yellow flag.
Next play? TOUCHDOWN on a wobbly catch as the receiver falls out of bounds. Review the play as the announcers all agree the receiver was bobbling the ball as he left the playing field. But do the refs overturn the play?
With .44 ticks left, composure now leaves the Ravens. Unable to deal with the blessings the Patriots are getting from God, they get flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct, then get flagged for threatening a referee (the back judge, don't you know), and THEN are off-side on the extra point. All this results in the BLESSED PATRIOTS kicking off from the Raven endzone, so to ensure a long drive Baltimore simply can not accomplish.
Or can they? From the fifty, with .14 seconds left in the game, the quarterback heaves a HAIL MARY down field. A HAIL MARY? Do they not know what they are up against? The fifty yard pass gets caught in the wind, goes 48 yards, is caught by a Raven receiver, who is, of course, prevented from going into the endzone with no time left by a BLESSED PATRIOT defensive back.
Right after I post this, I plan on jumping out my eighth story office window. Now that I also am a BLESSED NEP SUPPORTER, I know that pigeons will flock to me and carry me to the hard pavement below, completely unharmed and where a sack of money will suddenly appear to soften my landing.
