Speaking of baseball, I had to watch the Cricket playoffs while in Australia, as they were all over the local FoxSports channel.
And, as a result, I have become something of an authority on the game. For example, did you know that a square bowel can results in runs? Bet you didn't. Players spend an inordinate amount of time looking for lost wickets, as the annoucers are always saying that "Bowlegged Haite-Smythe has just lost a wicket!!!"
This is something of astondishing to observers of the game, as the excitment level in their voices goes up so much I am almost rousted from my nap.
Spectators tend to sweat more then the players, and if a player per chance gets a grass stain on his uni, the other team will allow a tea break so as not to embarass the poor lad further so he can run home and change.
Batters face the pitcher wearing these large gloves you might see on employees at a toxic dump, and they strap mattresses to their legs while wearing a bird cage over their heads. If a hitter whacks the ball, he may choice to run...or not. But he must keep the mattresses on, regardless. A foul ball does not happen - all hit balls are in play. If it rolls to the wall, which happens often, the batter can trot between bases until someone picks it up and tosses it back. The pitcher starts his windup somewhere on a nearby street, preferably one with a good pub, as you do not tend to see him until he blazes into sight at full speed, winding up to heave the ball with all his might at the wickets, if they have found them. He then releases the ball at the feet of the batter, who must "protect his wickets" from being lost. In other words, he must not let the bails be dislodged from the stumps.
I wisely asked a local to explain the game to me, so it would make better sense. Essentially, this is what he told me:
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.
Now, armed with that explanation, I watched another match, hoping that a sticky wicket might lead to a batsman's paradise when he would be caught behind and not take the pitch if it comes in looking like a Chinaman, or worse, a confusing googly. Hoping to hit the deep, or not, depending on whether the batter wants to dig in or play full-blooded and not just stand up there gardening.
Somebody - shoot me now.
