Funny quotes from random people

[westkoast]

we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokes person for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
 --A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President (DUH)
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
 --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton,
President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP (darn, he's smart)
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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[jn]

Get yourself a copy of the 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said and it's follow ups.  A lot of these come from their.  It's got special sections dedicated to movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn ("If I made an agreement with him I would be sticking my head in a moose."), Yogi Berra of course, and an old Irish politician, Sir Boyle Roche, who came up with such wonderful lines as "Every pint bottle should contain a quart!"

I think the second Al Gore one is misattributed.  I'll check the book but I'm pretty sure that was said by someone else.  

[Guest]

Hilarious.

It is amazing though how easy it is to take a part of a quote, take it out of context, and make someone look like a moron.

[Derek Bodner]

oops, that last post was by me.

[westkoast]

Hilarious.

It is amazing though how easy it is to take a part of a quote, take it out of context, and make someone look like a moron.

Ya I know a number of these could be twisted but this one....

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokes person for federal anti-smoking campaign.

and this one....

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle

Need no twisting

[Derek Bodner]

The smoking kills one, ok.

But for Quayle.

What if he's saying.

"I love California.  I practically grew up in Phoenix.  As such, I was always within driving distance of being able to spend a weekend in San Diego beaches as a kid and absolutely loved it".  Sounds reasonable to me.

I dunno, I lived in Allentown as a kid.  If someone asked me what I thought of Ocean City, MD (approx. 4 hour drive away), I could say I had gone there every summer growing up and loved it.

[westkoast]

The smoking kills one, ok.

But for Quayle.

What if he's saying.

"I love California.  I practically grew up in Phoenix.  As such, I was always within driving distance of being able to spend a weekend in San Diego beaches as a kid and absolutely loved it".  Sounds reasonable to me.

I dunno, I lived in Allentown as a kid.  If someone asked me what I thought of Ocean City, MD (approx. 4 hour drive away), I could say I had gone there every summer growing up and loved it.

True I didn't look at it that way...but for some reason I have a hard time giving Dan Quayle the benefit of the doubt