****NEWS ALERT****
San Antonio - AP reporter Amanda Huggenchis here, reporting the breaking news that the League is considering implementing a new statistic to accommodate the phenomenally self-promoting and talented Kobe Bryant. It seems that "THE KOBE" himself suggested the new statistic become part of the bloated stat sheets needed for Fantasy League aficionado's.
Sayeth "THE KOBE", "This particular ball club right now, I have to be assertive, and if the ball doesn't go in, it gives us a good rebounding opportunity, which we were able to get tonight," The Kobe said. "Guys went to the glass even on my misses and we got some good looks off of my misses. But we'll get to a point where executionally, we'll start executing much better and I won't have to take as many shots and the game becomes easier for everybody."
Besides causing team reporters, like yours truly, to immediately call Webster's Dictionary to inform them that "THE KOBE" just created a new word, "THE KOBE" also has made it obvious to all that the NBA is woefully behind the times when it comes to accommodating the "new" NBA player with statistical categories more clearly in sync with the modern player. 'THE KOBE" assist will be thoroughly discussed at the next NBA League meetings before being unanimously passed, putting "THE KOBE" so far ahead of that Jordan fellow to once and for all lay to rest any weak comparisons between "THE KOBE" and whatits name.
The art of creating opportunities for his teammates is not lost on Phil Jackson, who admits he came back to the Lakers for the sole purpose of turning protégé, turned "tutor" into the phenomenal PHENOM that "THE KOBE" has always expected himself to become.
"That is "THE KOBE" we all have worked so hard to create", gushed a pink-faced Jackson after the Spurs slipped by the Lakers in last night's game (90 or so something to 80 whatever). "I mean, did you notice all the offensive rebounding opportunities "THE KOBE" created out there tonight? I have the stats right here. It was 24. That's right, 24!!!! Who else in the League not name Iverson can come close to a twenty-twenty every single night??!! Finally, this team is on the verge of something. Something never before seen in the history of the NBA and believe me, I know!!"
The close, personal relationship this reporter shares with "THE KOBE" was also on display after last night's game. Refusing to speak to the illiterate media hordes who fawn over his every bowel movement, "THE KOBE" waited patiently while this reporter dowsed herself with Chanel #9 and 1/2 (I have 'met' "THE KOBE" in private, if you get my drift, wink, wink) and could ask him the important, drilling questions. You could hear Kobe in the locker room, calling out for me.
"I am not talking until Amanda Huggenchis gets here. Please wait until Amanda Huggenchis is here. Oh where, oh where can I find Amanda Huggenchis".
I saw those other media devils writing down every word.
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