OT: 20 Ways to Get Rid of Telemarketers

[spursfan101]

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.  :lol:

 

[WayOutWest]

When I determine it's a telemarketer I just "oh..OK, can you hold on just a second?"  Then I just put the phone down and go back to what I was doing until you get the loud beeping sound comming from my phone.

[westkoast]

Pretend you dont speak english......its real simple.  They will not try to pitch you anything if every reply is 'QUE?'

I use to telemarket as a side job in high school......boy is that the worst job ever.

[Lurker]

My favorite is when the call is from a credit card company.  I always ask them if they can lower my interest rate.  When they say no I ask them if there is anyone there who has the authority to lower my rate.  Then I tell them that if they can't lower my interest rate I can't afford to charge anything else to my card.

[Derek Bodner]

great list, i'll have to try a few of them.


btw, #12 was from sienfeld.

[Guest_Reality]

these are awesome.  has anyone tried any?  

WOW ive done the exact same thing.

Someone said make a chart and see which company hangs on the longest.

How about these ones where a robot comes on and asks YOU to please hold for a minute and a representative will be on soon.   Oh boy with this list i cant wait...

[jn]

I think number 8 may be from the Jerky Boys.  

[JoMal]

You get the best results (so I hear) doing #8 in a very panicky voice, interspersed with many "Oh, God", "Oh, God", and ask that they make sure the company is not monitoring the phone call, because " 'WE' don't want them to call anyone, or 'WE' will be getting in trouble", making them collaborators.

If you want to know one that I tried that actually worked:

Telemarketer: "Hello, sir. May I please speak to the lady of the house, please?"

Me: "This is she."

Telemarketer: (silence)

Me: (silence)

Telemarketer: "Um, er.....I....um"

Me: "What do you want?"

Telemarketer: (click)

I got this from a comedy recording of a guy who came up with most of the above suggestions and put them all to use on telemarketers. The album was the recordings of how each went. He did #8 with a carpet cleaning company and it was hilarious. He also did the one I tried, and got the same type of response, mainly a long, drawnout silence from the telemarketer. That one certainly gets them.