Author Topic: Sirkill yer banwagons, mah Lakers ‘er chere  (Read 1222 times)

Lakermania

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Sirkill yer banwagons, mah Lakers ‘er chere
« on: May 26, 2004, 12:24:33 PM »
Afta smackin’ the missus ‘n Jr. into theer daylie stupors, Iah liks ta sets mahself down in front ‘o mah big screen (19 inch blak ‘n white Motorola!!!!) Tee Vee set, sippin mah JB (no ice) outta mah lucky sty-ree-foam cup ‘n watch Jim Roam talk about how grete mah Lakers are.

Did Iah ever tellya all about mah lucky sty-ree-foam cup? Iah was up in hated Sack-ream-end-OOOOH!!! coupla yers ago fer thet buttslappin’ Laker stompin’ playoff series ‘n was a pukin’ outside a sleazy little waterinhole aroun’ 3 inna mornin’ wens who do you thinks joins me in the gutter, but mah hero Kobe-Juan-on-no-be!!!!

Iah nearly gagged!!! (coulda been mah own bile comin’ back up, though – them bash-turds up in Sack-ream-end-OOOOH!!! water down there JB somethin’ fierce!!). So’s Iah says, all cash-ual-like, “Ain’t chew mah all time favorite Laker HERO ‘n falsely accussed and unduly bein prosecuted fer wrongfully rapin’ thet hot-to-trot little wore up in Denver, Mr Kobe-Juan-oh-no-be Bry-ant???”

Shore ‘nough, he lifts up his head from where it been layin in his own puke, drippin the rem-nants o’ thet bad hamburger he et (musta had some sour mash toppin’ on it though, caus’ his breath shore smell good!!!), ‘n he give me a bar-ly deceptive nod. So’s as he’s drippin stuff off his chin there, Iah spies a perfectly good sty-ree-foam cup some bozo thru away, ‘n Iah snatches it up and let some of thet good drippins off ’o Kobe’s chin fall inta it.

I have savored thet cup ever since, using it fer jus’ about ever-thing. It’s mah shaving cup, mah juice (heh heh) cup, mah coffee cup. Iah even use it when Iam duck huntin’ out inna parkin’ lot chere at the trailer park ‘n mah nex’ dore neighbor, thet ole beyatch Mrs. Slapperasky wont let me pee on her petunias. Speakin’ ‘o ducks, there tape shore help ta repare thet cup; it kinda looks lik a grey bowlin ball now after mah expert repare jobs with the ducks tape.

Speakin’ a bowlin, mah team jus’ got kicked outta the league!!!!! They don’t think mah copyin’ Karl Malone’s elbow bloks should hava place in a gent-til-man-lie sport like bowlin’. Bash-TURDS!! Airmailin’ elbows by the Mailman; he shore do deliver them on time, heh, heh.  
 

Offline RolandoBlackman

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Sirkill yer banwagons, mah Lakers ‘er chere
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2004, 04:19:26 PM »
Hey Lakermania!  

It looks like most L.A. area sportwriters agree with you...

Writing Is on the Wall, and It Says 'Done Deal'
By J.A. Adande, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
 
     
Game 3 goes down as the night when all parties involved realized the Lakers were simply the better team than the Minnesota Timberwolves, that the Timberwolves might extend this series, but they won't win it.

The Lakers were good but not great on a night greatness wasn't required to win. All they needed was enough guys doing enough things correctly to produce a 100-89 victory that felt inevitable for most of the night.

The Lakers shared the ball (29 assists) and the scoring duties (all five starters between 11 and 22 points) and now they own a two-games-to-one lead in the Western Conference finals.

"I'm sure a lot of people think this thing's done," Minnesota Coach Flip Saunders said. "It's far from done."

If by "far" he means the round-trip distance to Minneapolis for Game 5 is 3,700 miles, then he's correct. Otherwise he's whistling past the graveyard.

Saunders has to say those words to keep his team motivated. But his actions spoke much louder.

He deviated from his normal strategy and went to the Extreme Hack-a-Shaq after a Latrell Sprewell hoop cut the Laker lead to eight points with less than three minutes remaining in the game. This was the sign that the Timberwolves were getting desperate. Twice they fouled Shaquille O'Neal when he was nowhere near the basket or the ball.

Ask Mike Dunleavy or Gregg Popovich if that's ever worked in the playoffs.

If the Hack-a-Shaq was out of character for Saunders, so was his postgame hauling out of the fishing pole to join Phil Jackson in the referee-baiting.

"I think it's very ironic that all of a sudden now in 42 minutes [Kevin Garnett has] got six fouls, where in [the first] two games he's got two fouls," Saunders said. "I've never been one to overreact to those situations, but I think that's pretty ironic."

He alluded to the 43-14 discrepancy in free-throw attempts the Lakers enjoyed, including only four attempts by Garnett, and how all of this came after the Lakers had complained about Minnesota's physical play and Garnett's foul-free evening in Game 2.

"Just because Kevin's 7-1 and he faces up, that doesn't mean that Karl Malone's allowed to have two hands on him," Saunders said. "From that standpoint, that's extremely disappointing. We didn't get to the line, and they did."

So now he's baiting. That's the last stand. It's only one step from there to going fishin' with the TNT crew.

It's feeling as preordained as the outcome of this game.

Certainly it was only a matter of time after the Lakers took a nine-point lead in the first quarter without a single point from Kobe Bryant. Or when they led by 10 in the second quarter and Bryant still hadn't scored.

Bryant said the left ankle he sprained in the first game wasn't a problem and laughed off any suggestion of subterfuge, a la that Sacramento Sunday. "I was sabotaging the game, come on," he joked.

In reality, the Timberwolves did their best to remove Bryant from the equation by sending a second defender at him whenever he came off screens. Besides, he deserved some time off since he was the only one who showed up on Sunday.

Minnesota's plan is to make the Laker role players beat them. Unfortunately for the Timberwolves the list of role players now includes Gary Payton and Karl Malone. Payton finally joined the series, with 18 points and nine assists, and Malone wound up with 11 points even though his primary concern was guarding Garnett.

The Lakers wanted to establish O'Neal early. He played "quickly," Jackson said, a good word to describe the way he spun from the free-throw line and exploded to the hoop for a dunk in the first half. Bryant scored 22 points after halftime, Devean George produced 12 points and not even 14 missed free throws by O'Neal could undo it all.

"We played OK today," O'Neal said.

That's all it took to beat a Minnesota team with a wobbly Sam Cassell.

The Lakers scored only two points in the first four minutes of the second quarter and the Staples Center crowd didn't fret.

Wally Szczerbiak microwaved his way to 14 consecutive Minnesota points in the third quarter, and the fans yawned and passed the popcorn.

Yes, the Lakers got the benefit of the calls, most notably when Bryant got a trip to the free-throw line when Trenton Hassell cleanly blocked his shot.

But the Lakers will continue to shoot more free throws as long as the Timberwolves keep running centers in for the sole purpose of fouling O'Neal and Garnett does most of his attacking from the perimeter

And they'll continue to have a head start as long as Cassell can't go all-out.

Cassell's ailing back improved enough for him to play 26 minutes and score 18 points, after he limped to the sidelines in the opening minute of Game 2. But by the time he's ready to play through the fourth quarter — when he's needed most — it will be too late for this series.

Saunders wondered what would have happened if Darrick Martin had made a three-pointer in the final minute with the Timberwolves down by six.

He should have wondered what it would be like if Cassell had shot it instead.

Martin was the story of Game 2 when he filled in for Cassell and scored 15 points without a turnover.

But there's a reason that was such a surprise. If the Timberwolves could count on that type of performance every night they wouldn't have sat Martin for the previous three games. Tuesday he had no points and one assist.

Sprewell was a non-factor for the first three quarters. Garnett had to shoot 21 times to get his 22 points.

And even if Szczerbiak goes for 21 points again, isn't Bryant about due to go for 40?

Remember, he has another court date Thursday before Game 4.

And the Timberwolves have a date with destiny.

J.A. Adande can be reached at j.a.adande@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Adande, go to latimes.com/adande



It'll Be a Sad Day When Timberwolves Go Home  
By T.J. Simers, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
   
I feel like I've bonded with the yahoos stuck in Minnesota rooting for a woebegone basketball team. It's almost as if we've become hinterland home companions.

The other day after the Timberwolves had lucked out and won Game 2 because our regular-season slackers didn't feel like playing hard, Sam S e-mailed from Minnesota to say: "Looking forward to your LA Times article tomorrow."

That seemed to be the general reaction from folks in Minnesota, with Emily Sanders sounding excited: "I can't wait now to see what you've got to say."

Funny thing, I can't remember the last time anyone in the Los Angeles area e-mailed to say they were looking forward to something I might have to say.

In fact Sports Editor Bill Dwyre has me writing three columns a week this summer instead of four, he said, because the readers need a break. And I don't think he was talking about the readers in Minnesota.

It's a shame we'll be going our different ways so soon — especially with so many folks in Minnesota wanting to read what I have to say about their downtrodden team. I feel like I haven't gotten the chance to see the best that Fred Hoiberg has to offer, and now I wonder if I'll ever get the chance. (I've seen enough of Michael Olowokandi).

I'm happy to hear, though, that even though Minnesota won't have a championship team to follow this year, the quality of life in the hinterlands appears to be looking up and there won't be any need for all those brooms that I mentioned the other day.

Associated Press reported Tuesday, "The annual march of the army worms through northern Minnesota will be much smaller … that's good news to nearly everyone who does anything outside because there will be millions fewer worms eating aspen trees, covering driveways, houses and pooping everywhere else."

What a relief — no reason to sweep anything now, which has to be good news for the Timberwolves, who will be beginning their summer vacation in a few days.


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WHEN IT came time to introduce the Lakers, they flashed the words, "Heart, Passion and Emotion," on the scoreboard, a reminder, I guess, to the guys of what they were missing in Game 2.


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IT APPEARS that Minnesota doesn't have a chance now with Shaq telling TNT's Craig Sager, when it comes to free throws, "I'm not going to miss them all."


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WHEN I received the book, "Why You Crying?" I thought it was from somebody in Minnesota wanting to remind me I had predicted a Laker sweep. Instead I got the life story of G. Lo — big-butt comedian George Lopez — in a new book written with talented HBO/CBS correspondent Armen Keteyian. Keteyian had to call on all his talent to make the chapter about Lopez's golf expertise both readable and believable.


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HERE'S WHAT KCBS-TV's Paul Magers apparently thinks of Laker fans, telling the St. Paul Pioneer Press, "If I went on the air and talked about supporting the Wolves, they would storm the Bastille. I could just see burning torches and pitch forks…. I don't want to walk out into the parking lot and find my car burning."

Magers, a former Minnesota broadcaster before moving here in December, said he has tried to keep his Wolves' allegiance quiet. The low ratings that KCBS has drawn since his arrival sure help.

"I can wear full Wolves garb out here and no one will know who I am," he said, and that must make the executives at KCBS feel a lot better about those low ratings.


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NFL COMMISSIONER Paul Tagliabue — you remember him — the tall, dull guy standing outside the Coliseum a few years back announcing the return of football to Los Angeles was imminent. Well, he's back.

Now he says he'd like to see football here in 2008, and to do that, he said, the NFL would like to pick a stadium site by next year — pitting Carson, the Rose Bowl and the Coliseum against one another again in trying to win NFL favor.

By chance, I ran into Staples Center owner Philip Anschutz, who, along with Ed Roski, was the first to try to bring the NFL back to town almost a decade ago.

"That's interesting to hear," said Anschutz when I told him what Tagliabue had to say, and he seemed about as excited as you are right now.

If this all sounds familiar, it is. The NFL wants to tap into the marketing treasure that is L.A., as long as it can get someone in L.A. to pay for its return.

This announcement also allows owners in Indianapolis, San Diego, Minnesota and New Orleans to increase the pressure on their own fans in demands for new stadiums, while using the threat of moving to L.A. to extort public contributions.

I'd be willing to support the use of public funds for NFL use — to build roadblocks and keep the Spanos Goofs in San Diego.


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I THOUGHT at first the invite to speak at the 38th annual St. Nicholas Cathedral Sports Night Banquet was really nice until I found myself sitting between Hall of Fame hockey announcer Bob Miller and the Kings' Trent Klatt, who grew up in Minnesota. The people at St. Nicholas Cathedral sure are mean.

The tribute, dedicated to the memory of Mike Jaidar, who contributed so much to this event in the past, included dinner and dessert — cupcakes decorated with miniature basketballs, soccer balls and footballs. Would you eat a cupcake with a hockey puck on top?


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WONDER WHAT those Fox TV ratings were for the Dodger game — played opposite the Laker TNT telecast Tuesday night. I'd hate to think that Vin Scully got the same amount of attention that Max Kellerman is getting these days on Fox.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.



Scorers, Just Not Enough of Them
By Lonnie White, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer


The book on attacking the Laker defense has read much the same since Phil Jackson took over as coach five seasons ago. Just run one pick-and-roll play after another until they bleed.

For teams such as San Antonio, Sacramento and Dallas, this approach has been an offensive mandate against the Lakers, but that's not true with the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Because of the versatile talent of forward Kevin Garnett, the Timberwolves use more offensive sets than most teams in the NBA and like to spread the wealth.

This style gave the Lakers trouble in Game 2, but not so much in Tuesday night's 100-89 victory at Staples Center.

Although Timberwolves' Sam Cassell, Latrell Sprewell and Wally Szczerbiak put up good numbers in Game 3 by combining for 57 points, the Lakers never seemed worried about Minnesota's perimeter offense.

"I give those guys a lot of credit in that locker room, they never give up," Laker forward Karl Malone said about the Timberwolves, who trail the best-of-seven series, 2-1. "I think we got out to a 15-point lead on a couple of threes and they just hung in there."

But in order for Minnesota to win the series, more players will have to be consistently involved.

Garnett had 22 points, 11 rebounds and seven assists, while Szczerbiak had 21 points off the bench. But Cassell only had three points after halftime and played less than a minute in the fourth quarter because of a bad back.

And Sprewell had 18 points, but 12 came in the fourth quarter when the Lakers were content to trade baskets.

"I'm sure that they probably did make some adjustments but nothing that really affected us," said backup point guard Darrick Martin, who had only one assist and did not score on Tuesday after finishing with 15 points and six assists in Game 2.

"On different nights, we're going to have different guys carry the load. What makes this team special is that we have so many weapons [with] different options off of different sets. It's a good offense because it enables everyone to touch the ball, so you can't just always key in on one guy."

But when the Lakers are playing solid defense, the Timberwolves have found it difficult to get on a scoring run. And while Jackson may not have been pleased with the 15 fouls the Lakers committed in the second half, he was happy with how Malone defended Garnett.

"He really got into the defensive aspect of his game," Jackson said about Malone, who had 11 points, six rebounds and five assists. "Obviously, he didn't have the greatest offensive game, but he really expended a lot of energy out there in the defensive end."

Slowing Garnett is key to beating the Timberwolves, who rely on their captain to not only score, but to help his teammates get points. When Garnett is taken out of the offense, Minnesota struggles.

"We didn't play exceptionally well but I think we played hard," Minnesota Coach Flip Saunders said. "We didn't always execute well."

When the Timberwolves' offense did work in Game 3, it was usually off of one-on-one moves. Cassell did damage early with his perimeter shooting, scoring 15 points in the first half, and Szcerbiak beat the Lakers with an assortment of difficult shots.

But it was not enough.

In former years, during "winnin' time" I called these sorts of posts "News from L.A." but of coahss y'all done knowed all this here anyhoo. Raht?

-RB

Shaq #1
« Last Edit: May 26, 2004, 04:21:15 PM by RolandoBlackman »

Lakermania

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Sirkill yer banwagons, mah Lakers ‘er chere
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2004, 11:48:53 AM »
Hey, RB, you any re-la-shion ta my JB??  :cheers: Man, yu shore copy lotsa words ta read. Wit mah deli-cate medsical condition, Iah see'em twice, so's takes me awile ta read em all.

Iff'n Iah read 'em rite, we be kickin' boo-tay!!! These riters mus' be reel smarte. Speakin' of whistlin' pas' the gravyard, sleepin' one off among the derely defarted is onna mah all-time fav-o-rite thangs ta do. 'Specily iffn they's jus' dug a new hole. Yu kin lays in it, 'n drink yur JB (no ice)  :alcohol: 'n puke  :puke: 'n role aroun' down there:rofl:  'n the nex' day they jus' cover it in.:crazy:  Word ta the wise - don't chew go 'n fall asleep down there. They drops thet casket on toppa yu , 'n yu go 'n start screemin' liks a ban-she, yu kin kil off the rest 'o the deseased kinfolk, thinkin' they's gone 'n buried 'em alive. :eek3:

Man, du thet a dozen times, 'n yu larn better.

Iah read thet 'bout Paul Tag-lee-boo bringin' futbal tah Staples. Furst, Iah thought he ment thet Arena pinball she-ite style futbal, but no. He talkin 'bout NFL futbal. Staples be perfect for it!!! Rich Fox could teech them ball-cetchers how ta man-oover unner the stans tah avoid de-tex-shion, 'n then lay a fat, slobbry one on an un-suss-pectin' foe!!  Kobe-Juan-OH-NO-Be could show them runnin' backs his bes' cuts on the hardwood!! Shaq-e-delic could pound on them other guys as they come outta the tunnel!!! Melbow Malone could give new meanin' tah wut happens when yu cross over the middle. Devan George could be a good goal post, 'n Derek Fisher!!!! Talk 'bout yur idele waterboy!!! But could Phil Jakcson coach "specil" olmypic-type players? Thet's what I want ta know.\

By the way, how'er the Lakers doin'? Iah knows they poundin' on them Tadpoles, but I kinda did't notice iffn they win any of the games.